#cultivatecourageous,  relationships,  Stories

How did we get to be friends?

Cardamom nom nom.

Perhaps you know all about the chemistry inside of great baking – how it is that dry and wet combine to create crumble and crust.  I don’t. πŸ™‚  Not my strong suit.  Here’s the thing; making Cardamom Snacking Cake that is to-die-for is not rocket science.  Anything with crushed cardamom and ground pistachios is a good idea.  Like friendship, some recipes don’t require any introspection, only compliance.

Still, I sometimes question both the ingredients and the process because I want to know why a good thing is good.

“What?  No eggs?”, said my friend.

“Yeah, no eggs.”, said I.

It is indeed possible, because we tasted it.  For some reason this cake does not need eggs to be phenomenal.  Some reason that I may or may not understand even though I’ve made it myself.  Twice in one week.

There are reasons we are friends with the people we have picked, whether we know those reasons or not.   She is an ingredient that was missing in your life.  Something you didn’t know you needed until he arrived.  Now there’s no going back.  But how did it all begin?

There is a lot of power in asking the question, “How did we get to be friends?”  

I met one of my best friends when she was interviewing to be my boss.  Another friendship began with us exchanging glances across a dirt parking lot at a women’s retreat, and me admiring her sass (I love sass).  Once I met a woman who told me that we had a common problem.  We both needed to figure out how to go to the food store unencumbered with babies, so we started watching each other’s.  That was 23 years ago, and I still need her; we have other common problems now!

Another thing I love about this question is that it’s plump with good assumptions.  It says we actually are friends, and sometimes that needs to be said.  In a culture like ours where we have internet friends we may never meet, our in-person friendships need special recognition.

Asking this question says to my friend that we have a story and gives us a chance to tell it  – which makes us feel incredibly special.  Once this question is out on the table, we’ve dialed the whole thing up a notch.   We are us, now.  There was a time before we had each other, and that time is over.

“How did we get to be friends, again?  Do you remember?”

Try it out.  And let it rise naturally*.  It doesn’t have to be sappy, I know how scary sappy can be.  Oh gosh, all the feelings!

I bet you have a friend in mind right now that you know you’d like to ask.  And that very thought should tell you something that you don’t have to shoo away; she matters.  I bet you matter to her too.  Feels good, doesn’t it?



they fell this way

*OK, so tell me a story – have you asked this question before? How did it go?  Leave a comment below or on the Facebook page, where more chatting is going on.  Did you miss a question or two in the series? Just head over to the main topic page for #CultivateCourageous

Happy questioning!

Friendship,  like baking, is mysterious and magical.  There are moments that bond us enough to fuse us, but that fusion isn’t friendship until after the questioning commences.  And there’s no one way to make a friend, there are a million.



  • Maggie

    As I’ve begun the new journey of making new friendships in a new town and strive to hold to the friendships from home, I am eating up your words. Those last lines lines are so beautiful. Your perspective on friendship is something I need to hear. So glad your doing this series!

  • justplainbeth

    I am LOVING this series so far. Such great questions. We met in my office, over our shared love for helping the underprivileged, and then became friends over our shared love for writing. <3 jpb

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