moments of truth · the Word

help yourself; the anthem

Have you ever taken a picture of something knowing that your photo will never do it justice?

You shrug on the inside, take the shot despite this, and tell yourself when you look at it next, it’ll be an inside joke. It will have rusted to something nowhere near as lovely as it was.

Yeah, this was the opposite of that.

#cultivatecourageous · #write31days · Believe · relationships

You know I’m here for you, right?


img_0116On October 5th,¬†in case you missed it,¬†coffee shops all over the place were transformed for a day into Luke’s Diner from Gilmore Girls because Netflix sponsored a campaign to get folks excited for the Gilmore Girls reunion broadcasts. This is everything you need to know about that. ¬†Overwhelmed with nostalgia (as a mom of daughters) I ¬†hit up my local proprietor A&E¬†Coffee Roastery for some good ole Luke’s.

Why are we so enraptured by the down-home feeling that a TV show generated?  In their dysfunctional lingering, these townspeople became family for each other Рthey were the group of friends we all wish we had.

No one wants to obligate anymore.

“I don’t know what it is about her,” you might say, “but I just don’t feel like she’s there for me.” ¬†Why do you think you have¬†that iffy feeling?

1. Because she’s not.¬†¬†If you feel like your friend is still looking over your shoulder for something better to come along, she probably is.


2. Because your friend has not yet had an opportunity to show you real commitment.

In¬†friendship there’s no engagement ring. ¬†No friendship Facebook status – “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated”! ¬†But we¬†know when someone has decided to obligate to us¬†when she comes to the¬†funeral, she knows when you were born, she brings your coffee order, or when she flat out tells you, “you know I’m here for you right?”

You know I'm here for you, right?

Maybe you want to be there for her. ¬†That’s not the same – it’s a start, though. ¬†I know I’ve let friends down when I over promise and under deliver, and that’s probably the reason we don’t¬†hang out anymore.¬†¬†One of us¬†unhooked. ¬†Obligation is that big of a deal.

There is a period in¬†every¬†friendship when you two just don’t know yet whether you’ll care any more than you do. ¬†It’s a healthy trust walk we dare¬†on the way to finding our bff’s, but it’s super fun, too, and that’s why we keep going. ¬†But if we buy in to today’s untailored relationship style, without honest attachment, we could easily find ourselves wondering why we have no full grown¬†friendships, when the narrative¬†is we just never obligate to anyone. ¬†We want people to be there for us, but we won’t go first.

Sure, it’s risky to depend on each other. ¬†Love and learn. ¬†Find your way. ¬†Because you’re not fooling anyone with all your love-ish¬†intentions that you think should be perceived as genuine kinship. ¬†If you want to be there for her, come through.

Real love is obvious.

Did you miss a question or two in the series? Just head over to the main topic page for #CultivateCourageous.

Frailty · moments of truth · Worth

hold hands and squeeze

There are times when making a costly decision comes with a sense of moral high ground, consensus, or even honor. Other times, the only prize is the pristine peace that it’s over. And that is the gain, until other gains can be gathered. Sometimes we hold our own hands and squeeze.

moments of truth · relationships

no stain, no gain

Can we stain well with our words? If words are things, can the way I treasure my friend be a word-thing she carries on the camper that they’ll drive cross country, a story that will whisper to her heart when she wonders if her life left tracks? I hope so. I pray so. More than words can say.