On October 5th, in case you missed it, coffee shops all over the place were transformed for a day into Luke’s Diner from Gilmore Girls because Netflix sponsored a campaign to get folks excited for the Gilmore Girls reunion broadcasts. This is everything you need to know about that. Overwhelmed with nostalgia (as a mom of daughters) I hit up my local proprietor A&E Coffee Roastery for some good ole Luke’s.
Why are we so enraptured by the down-home feeling that a TV show generated? In their dysfunctional lingering, these townspeople became family for each other – they were the group of friends we all wish we had.
No one wants to obligate anymore.
“I don’t know what it is about her,” you might say, “but I just don’t feel like she’s there for me.” Why do you think you have that iffy feeling?
1. Because she’s not. If you feel like your friend is still looking over your shoulder for something better to come along, she probably is.
2. Because your friend has not yet had an opportunity to show you real commitment.
In friendship there’s no engagement ring. No friendship Facebook status – “in a relationship” or “it’s complicated”! But we know when someone has decided to obligate to us when she comes to the funeral, she knows when you were born, she brings your coffee order, or when she flat out tells you, “you know I’m here for you right?”
Maybe you want to be there for her. That’s not the same – it’s a start, though. I know I’ve let friends down when I over promise and under deliver, and that’s probably the reason we don’t hang out anymore. One of us unhooked. Obligation is that big of a deal.
There is a period in every friendship when you two just don’t know yet whether you’ll care any more than you do. It’s a healthy trust walk we dare on the way to finding our bff’s, but it’s super fun, too, and that’s why we keep going. But if we buy in to today’s untailored relationship style, without honest attachment, we could easily find ourselves wondering why we have no full grown friendships, when the narrative is we just never obligate to anyone. We want people to be there for us, but we won’t go first.
Sure, it’s risky to depend on each other. Love and learn. Find your way. Because you’re not fooling anyone with all your love-ish intentions that you think should be perceived as genuine kinship. If you want to be there for her, come through.
Real love is obvious.
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